Another meme!

Andrew of Love, Honor, and Dismay tagged me to do this meme. It is 5 things about me you didnt know......so here goes..


#1. Fun Person - I seem to have a gift with relating to people. I think it is because I genuinely care about people. I have always had tons of friends who I have stayed close to all my life. I may not talk to them for months at a time but we know when we see each other again we will take off right where we left off the last time we seen each other. Even my ex- husband has now become my friend! For years we fought (he drank) and after the divorce I was content to go my own way. Now we are older. And believe me when I say it is truly just friendship. When he had a slight stroke last summer( if you remember in a previous post), I let him come to my house to convalesce. When he started drinking again I said "adios". Out he went. Since then he has quit on his own. He hasnt had a drink since this past August. Now he comes to my house and spends a couple days at a time. ( He lives about a half hour away from me.) He would love for us to get back together, but that isnt going to happen., but there just is no way I can shut him out of our family. So every couple weeks he loads up his dog and he comes and stays with Mom and I for a few days. I love him like a brother. My Mother says it tickles her to see how he is now compared to how he was back then. Now he would make a good husband, but when we were younger I rode the rapids with him. And now I am not looking for a husband or even interested in having one. I would rather have a friend.

#2. My Oldest Son -Just so you wont think my life has been all peaches and cream I will tell you something not many know. My oldest son is 37 years old. He is addicted to drugs, has been for a long time. I have been through hell with him. I dont know when America is going to wake up and see what these drugs are doing to our kids, I have tried everything I know to do..rehabs, psychiatrists, sending him away to live with my brother so he would be away from his friends. In the end, the drugs won. After many many years of beating myself up, I realized I am powerless. Nothing I say or do will matter. We always think its someone elses kid, we never want to think its one of our own. I can personally tell you it can destroy you. For a long time I couldnt look at his baby pictures because it hurt too bad to remember how precious he was and how much I loved him, and how good of care I took of him, and now I watch him abuse his body so badly. Sometimes he will come here and sit and talk to me and its almost like it never happened. Then he will come another time and be high on something and his words cut me like a knife. He does not do street drugs anymore, he has found a Doctor who keeps him on methadone. Im not sure what the meth is all about but he is like a zombie at times. I could not begin to tell you the tears I have cried over him, the heartbreak I have had, the guilt that I must have done something wrong when I raised him. I have been through it all. He has been shot twice. Thank God he was not critically injured either time. What do you think it would do to you to get a call that your son is in the hospital with a gunshot wound? I can tell you what it does...it rips you apart. You dont think you can survive this merry go round your life has turned into but you have to because you have 2 other children that need their Mother. And if you have a child on drugs, I have no answers for you. You have to pray and try to hang on to your sanity. I dont know why I am telling you this. I have told you all the good things about my life, but I have to be honest and tell you I have been through a nightmare too. I handle it much better these days....he is an adult. He has made his choice. The fact that he is much better behaved about it does not hide the fact that I know he still does it. If you would meet him you would never guess. He is a great looking kid with a great personality. He is my son.I love him very much. And now I will take a much needed break. I will finish these tomorrow. Please say a prayer for my son. I would so much appreciate it. Talking about this always upsets me, I dont know why I did it, other than maybe I needed to.

#3 Tap dancing - I took tap dancing lessons when I was young for one reason...I wanted the tap shoes! I didnt care to be in the recitals or any of that. I just wanted those shoes! Of course you werent supposed to wear them outside but I loved the noise they made when I walked, I wore mine outside. Remember when they used to put cleats on shoes? I always wanted cleats. My Aunt is 8 years older than me and she had cleats! I wasnt allowed! Now I dont think they even make cleats anymore but if I ever find out they do...Im getting some!!!

#4 I worked in an Office - My Father owned a trucking company. I worked as a dispatcher for 12 years in the office. I enjoyed my job. I also did the loads and totaled up for payroll. Then when my Father died my brother took over. My Aunt (who passed away 3 years ago) worked with me. She was the secretary and I was the dispatcher. My Aunt retired and that left me. My brother then brought his wife into the office. Thats when I left. I worked with her for 1 year. My friends had bets on how long I would be able to work with her. When I left I had no job to go to. I didnt care. Thats when I really started working at being a caregiver. I had had a part time job as a caregiver 3 nights a week before i quit the office. Ash was a cheerleader and the extra money always came in handy. Cheering was expensive.But after I left the company I knew I had to make a living somehow and 3 nights wasnt going to be enough. Thats when I started getting into caregiving seriously.I have always had jobs since then. I think in total I was out of work for 2 months. Right now I have 3 jobs going. I am only working on one of them because of my Mother. I cannot leave her and go off to work. But I have girls who have worked with me for a number of years and I always accept jobs because I know the girls need jobs. I go in and set the job up and it usually runs like clockwork. I could not do it if I didnt have good people working with me. The girls are dependable and trustworthy and very good with the elderly.

#5- I enjoy being independant - I think I grew up when I got a divorce.I got married when I was 19 years old. I went from living with my parents to living with my husband. I didnt work while my kids were young. When I got divorced I had a mortgage payment and household bills. For someone who had handled nothing on her own that was pretty scary. I still had a daughter in high school. I have to say I eased right into it. I started making decisions and I didnt question myself. I managed to pay my mortgage off and keep food on the table. Thats not too bad for someone who was a spoiled brat all her life. I didnt always make the right decision, but at least I didnt have to listen to anyone bitching at me either. I learned as I went along. I wish I had had this independence when I was younger. I like it. Its a good feeling.