Wednesday, January 02, 2008

think about it...please???

I was walking today and I was thinking....I remember when I used to walk just because I wanted to....now I walk b/c I know its important for my health to get exercise. No matter how cold it is I try to get out there and at least get a mile in. When I walk and I pass people I know they all stop and ask me how I am doing.....they say...well you're looking great! I wonder what I looked like before. Sometimes I dont feel so great,but as long as someone tells me I look great I tend to feel a bit better. But I feel like I am in another group now....not the 'carefree, just walking for the fun of it group' I was in before. Now I am in the 'have to walk for my health group. 'Everything changes when you join that group! Thats when you know its time to pull your big girl panties up and deal with it.


You know how when your smoking that cigarette and someone says to you....You need to quit that and you just laugh and say...Oh well, ya gotta die of something. Believe me, when push comes to shove....you dont want to die of anything but old age when your pushing 100. When you are having those chest pains and you just are not sure whats going on...you are scared. So scared you wonder why you ever took such chances with your life.

And when the Doctor that you have never met before comes up to you and says " Im going to do your open heart surgery"...your like,....My WHAT????????? Im only here for a couple stints.....So the question is do you trust this man well enough to let him run that chain saw down through your sturnum? Oh thats right....you dont know him do you??? You hope he doesnt have a drug problem or maybe going through a nasty divorce or whatever. You hope that all is right in his world.. because he is going to hold your heart in his hands...its going to be up to him and God whether you pull through this surgery or not.

And that makes you look at things in your life differently. You think of all the nit picky crap that you let piss you off before. You realize you were too judgemental and if you can please just wake up from the surgery you promise to be different. And I do believe in most cases people are different.
My oldest son Ty and I had a very rocky relationship for most of his adult life. Hes almost 40 now. He came to the hospital while I was hooked up to the life support and he laid his head down on my bed and he sobbed. I couldnt talk to him b/c I had the vent down my throat. When I came home from the hospital he came and talked to me and he said...Mom, I was so afraid I wasnt going to get to tell you that I was sorry for the way we got along all those years..I just wanted to tell you I love you and Im so sorry. Since that day Ty and I have a different relationship and Im so very greatful for that.

Most things that you go through in your life are learning experiences. We learn from everything. And thats good. And I thank God daily for the family and friends I have, that wonderful heart surgeon ,who took such excellant care of me, all of those great nurses that were so good to me.

So the next time your dragging on that cigarette ( and I still remember what a great feeling that was!) And someone tells you you should quit....maybe you should really consider it. And Im not preaching about it.....I was one of you a few short months ago....I loved my cigarettes, nothing was more relaxing than lighting up and just sitting there enjoying it. But its not worth your life. We want to stay here as long as the good Lord allows us...nobody wants to go a minute before their time comes.....we want to enjoy our kids and grandkids, have time to go through our second childhood again, live long enough to be a real pain in the ass to our kids like they were to us when they were teenagers! ;)). Life is good....we are so lucky in this country with all the choices we have.


There are days I miss my cigarettes, I wont lie. But it usually passes quickly. But I know....it wasnt worth it. It wasnt worth it to smoke for all that I went through. I wouldnt want to see anyone where I was in October. Believe me..it was scary.

20 comments:

eZ said...

You look great in those big girl panties Catch!
I can't wait until the pool opens.
take care

LauraJ said...

That was very heartfelt! If I had ink I'd print this out and pass it along to A's daddy. He's been smoking for as long as I've known him and then some. He's only 35. It makes me sad that Aaron could lose his dad at such a young age. It also makes me sad because then who would look after A besides me?
I try to tell him to quit, but since we are no longer a couple it's out of my hands. I can no longer tell him what to do. I can just hope for a better day when he sees the light as you have.

Akelamalu said...

I gave up smoking 10 years ago Catch and I have to say the 'wanting a cigarette' never really leaves you but it does get a whole lot easier and is definitely worth it - so well done to you for giving up.

What you have written about your son had me in tears - I so felt for him, and you. It just goes to show good can come from bad.

Bless you honey, I'm rooting for you and sending oodles of Reiki your way. xxxx

Remiman said...

Catch,
You're right on the mark and what else is there to say except; thanks for the second chance.
Oh, and I think you can take those big girl panties off now. ;)
rel

Jill said...

Very well said! I wish my husband would quit. He has been looking at the commit lozenges/gum but every time he attempts to get someone's attention to buy it he gets mad cause nobody notices him. I think he is continuing to make excuses. Of course I am one of those people who tried smoking in college and could never remember to smoke and not let is sit in the ashtray till it burned up.

Tug said...

Happy New Year Catch! It's sad that it takes such an event for us to take notice of ourselves and our loved ones...I'm so very glad you and your son had the chance to erase some possible regrets.

Queenie said...

Well baby I think that was the kick up the ass I needed. Just had a cig pain in my chest, blaming the onion in my meal (know thats not true), thanks catch... Keep walking.

Dr.John said...

J.R.R. Tolkien in his last book pictures a group of evil angels sending discords into the music of the world and God takes that music and adds his own and it becomes beautiful. Out of evil comes the good. That what happened for you and your son. Your bad experience changed the relatiojnship for the better. Isn't life wonderful.

MarmiteToasty said...

(((((catch)))) I for one love big girl pants, cos ya can tuck in all the wobbly bits LOL :)

I for one am so grateful for you sticking around a little longer :). you have enriched me life by being here.......

Im glad your son has come back to you, even though its through not so nice circumstances..... and I DONT DO tears but I did reading this.....

much much love X

MarmiteToasty said...

ps..... 3 of me lads smoke..... I never thought they would seeing as how both me mum and dad died of smoking related diseases.....

I have NEVER taken so much as a puff in me life.... never been tempted by peer pressure..... maybe Im just one hard cow LOL

x

Palm Springs Savant said...

Well said Catch! Glad to hear about you and Ty...that is important.

TK Kerouac said...

If I lived near ya,
I'd walk with you

Glad to hear you are doing so much better.
My dad had two surgeries and does the mall walk everyday
he is 80 and was a heavy smoker

Keep on hiking

I'm going private as of tonight!

Cindy said...

I'm sure glad you and your son now have a better relationship- sometimes good does come out of bad and in this case, it sure sounds like that's just what happened. Take care and have a great weekend!

Michelle said...

thanks so much for sharing what you went through - and I hope that even just one person who reads this post will change their ways and stop smoking and learn their lesson from you. I wish my father-in-law would quit. He doesn't smoke in the house, but still when he comes back inside you can smell it all over him and it bothers me; he's half-heartedly tried to quit before, but it never lasts. He said he wanted to quit so he would be around to see Kayla grow up, but it still hasn't happened. After Kayla was born my father quit cold turkey and I'm so thankful for that.

I'm sorry you had to endure what you did, but what good to come out of it hearing yours and Ty's relationship has improved! here's to a new year and a new you!

Big Pissy said...

Catch, I'm just so glad that you're OK!

Keep on keeping on! :)

Ol' Lady said...

It's nice to hear that some good did come out of your bad. A good relationship with your children is nice to have.
About the panties??? You really don't have to share any pics...really...please don't :o

Kat said...

Beautifully put Catch, I'm so glad you're feeling better. XO

Nea said...

I think probably the best endorsement for NOT smoking usually comes from someone who has been there.....and made it. My husband began smoking when he was 12, he didn't quit until he was 48 and I was pregnant with Ana. I had never smoked, and it was really making me ill, so he gave it up. In 2000 he had some problems trying to stay awake, and found out that he had over 85% blockage in four of his arteries. He had to have quadruple bypass surgery. The Dr told him if he hadn't quit smoking when he did, he doubted that he would have been alive to have the surgery. Luckily they were able to fix much of the damage, but he will never be as good as new. He also has congestive heart failure, he had two heart attacks that left a lot of scar tissue, luckily they were small, so small he really didn't know that was what he was having, but the damage is there.

I am so glad that you quit, for you, for your kids, for everyone. Hugs to you....

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smileymamaT said...

wow. Ok. Your heartfelt message has been very effective here.
oxo
T