I was walking today and I was thinking....I remember when I used to walk just because I wanted to....now I walk b/c I know its important for my health to get exercise. No matter how cold it is I try to get out there and at least get a mile in. When I walk and I pass people I know they all stop and ask me how I am doing.....they say...well you're looking great! I wonder what I looked like before. Sometimes I dont feel so great,but as long as someone tells me I look great I tend to feel a bit better. But I feel like I am in another group now....not the 'carefree, just walking for the fun of it group' I was in before. Now I am in the 'have to walk for my health group. 'Everything changes when you join that group! Thats when you know its time to pull your big girl panties up and deal with it.
You know how when your smoking that cigarette and someone says to you....You need to quit that and you just laugh and say...Oh well, ya gotta die of something. Believe me, when push comes to shove....you dont want to die of anything but old age when your pushing 100. When you are having those chest pains and you just are not sure whats going on...you are scared. So scared you wonder why you ever took such chances with your life.
And when the Doctor that you have never met before comes up to you and says " Im going to do your open heart surgery"...your like,....My WHAT????????? Im only here for a couple stints.....So the question is do you trust this man well enough to let him run that chain saw down through your sturnum? Oh thats right....you dont know him do you??? You hope he doesnt have a drug problem or maybe going through a nasty divorce or whatever. You hope that all is right in his world.. because he is going to hold your heart in his hands...its going to be up to him and God whether you pull through this surgery or not.
And that makes you look at things in your life differently. You think of all the nit picky crap that you let piss you off before. You realize you were too judgemental and if you can please just wake up from the surgery you promise to be different. And I do believe in most cases people are different.
My oldest son Ty and I had a very rocky relationship for most of his adult life. Hes almost 40 now. He came to the hospital while I was hooked up to the life support and he laid his head down on my bed and he sobbed. I couldnt talk to him b/c I had the vent down my throat. When I came home from the hospital he came and talked to me and he said...Mom, I was so afraid I wasnt going to get to tell you that I was sorry for the way we got along all those years..I just wanted to tell you I love you and Im so sorry. Since that day Ty and I have a different relationship and Im so very greatful for that.
Most things that you go through in your life are learning experiences. We learn from everything. And thats good. And I thank God daily for the family and friends I have, that wonderful heart surgeon ,who took such excellant care of me, all of those great nurses that were so good to me.
So the next time your dragging on that cigarette ( and I still remember what a great feeling that was!) And someone tells you you should quit....maybe you should really consider it. And Im not preaching about it.....I was one of you a few short months ago....I loved my cigarettes, nothing was more relaxing than lighting up and just sitting there enjoying it. But its not worth your life. We want to stay here as long as the good Lord allows us...nobody wants to go a minute before their time comes.....we want to enjoy our kids and grandkids, have time to go through our second childhood again, live long enough to be a real pain in the ass to our kids like they were to us when they were teenagers! ;)). Life is good....we are so lucky in this country with all the choices we have.
There are days I miss my cigarettes, I wont lie. But it usually passes quickly. But I know....it wasnt worth it. It wasnt worth it to smoke for all that I went through. I wouldnt want to see anyone where I was in October. Believe me..it was scary.